Happy Birthmother's Day - My Story

Lucy's Story

The year is 1980. I am going through a divorce at the young age of 20. Emotionally and financially ruined. Two months into my separation I learn that I am pregnant. "Crisis Pregnancy". Devastated
I go into denial till I am 6 months pregnant. I worked as a accountant's assistant up until my sixth month,but I was feeling so depressed and I could no longer focus on my job, in light of the biggest decision of my life I was facing. I had lost my home, and just moved back home with my parents. They were up in years now. They supported me emotionally, and provided the shelter I needed. But
they were going to let me make my own decision about my precious that I now was carrying.

I knew deep in my heart that I wanted my baby to have the best! The very best! I had had the best growing up. I had two parents devoted to their relationship and to all three of us girls. My father worked and my mother had the luxury of being a mother. To nurture us and care for us through our growing years and their after. That is when I began to think about the option of adoption. At the time of this crisis pregnancy, I didn't have anything for my daughter. Also I was not a stable person at that time of my life. I had suffered numerous depressive episodes since the age of 13. First we thought I had unipolar depression. Biologically and genetically passed to me by my mothers side of the family.
Knowing this about myself, I questioned if I could meet my precious's needs. I could not bare the thought of her ever suffering, because of her mothers depressive illness! That just was not going to happen! So I began the journey of finding the best adoption agency. Though my adoption was a closed adoption. I prepared for it the best I could. In my heart I put myself aside, this was all done for the benefit of my precious! Her well being was the focus.

Aug. 3, 1981 precious decided she was ready to make her grand entrance to the world. I remember telling my mother I felt awful and my stomach was aching so, she said it's probably all the watermelon you ate before going to bed. She said Lucy, go take a warm bath. This is 12:00 midnight. I do as she says, and it is a wonder I got back out of that bathtub. I did get out, and told her this is worse than any stomachache I have ever had. She said, lets go to the hospital then. Off we went at 2:00 am and I was admitted and prepped quickly for I was already at 6cm dilated. My doctor took his time getting to the hospital! :( That made me nervous, and the nurses kept saying lets just give her a local. She looks like she is going to have this baby, quicker than the anesthesiologist is going to get here. Thank God, they were wrong. I did get my epedural. At 8:25 after lots of pushing and panting and praying. Crystal Nicole made her grand arrival weighing 8 lbs 13 ounces and she was 21 inches in length. I began to cry, tears of joy. The nurses said about 3 minutes or so later. You had a girl. I said, I know, I know. It was something I felt the whole pregnancy. They showed her to me, I saw her. My heart melted. I said Wow! She is gorgeous! Thank you Father God for letting me be her Angel Bringer of Life. Thank you for a healthy beautiful girl. I can't say little girl. :) My precious big girl!

I spent 3 days in the hospital with her. In that time I would sing to her, cradle her close to my breast and tell her over and over how much I loved her! I would kiss her, rock her, change her little diaper. The final day I told her someday God will reunite us. I promise! I feel it, I have prayed over and over about this decision. God, will protect you and give you a wonderful life!

The next day when I parted. I walked out of the hospital with the deepest void in my soul and heart. I felt zombie like. I was really good at stuffing feelings, and not showing family or friends what was deep inside of me. Yes, I cried often when I was alone. I didn't want my parents to know how much it hurt. So I leaned on God with all my heart to help mend me. I got a job 3 weeks after placing her with her new parents. This I did to keep my mind off the pain. But, nothing worked, but counseling and alot of prayer. I would journal alot, and I would try to console myself the best I could. Through the years I had at least 7 severe depressive break-downs. My doctor said I had Post-Traumatic Syndrome, and also Bipolar illness. Predisposed for Bipolar but it was set off by the separation and placing of my daughter. I still feel I did make the right choice for her. Even if I suffered tremendously from the pain of separation. I know in my heart I did it for her.

After many years of wondering, and wanting to reunite. I began to search on the internet. I searched for 3 years. Till bingo bango I found her searching for me on www.adoption.com . Talk about falling out of my seat. I was shocked, home alone, and I began to wail. A cry to deep with in my soul just bellowed out of me. A cry that had been suppressed for 18 years. That needed to come, so I let it come and it came so profuse that I thought I would die! Trying to gain composure, I heard my husband saying Lucy where are you? I said, in a cracked voice. I am in the office. He came and said are you OKAY? I said, Jd I found her, I found her. My voice trembling. He knew immediately what I was talking about. He said, Lucy I never doubted for one moment that you wouldn't! What was ironic about this search was when I typed in her birthdate she came up immediately. But when I tried it again 3 days later over 40 possibilities surfaced. So right there I knew God was saying Lucy I am answering your prayer. In my timing, though it is 18 1/2 years later!

It took adoption.com 8 hours to call me back with a phone number. I was on pins and needles! Finally the phone rings and Pam from adoption.com says I have a number. I said where is that. She said I really don't know. I thanked her, and thanked her. Then I waited a few hours to call the number. Fear, many emotions running the gamut in my mind. After Jd giving me consoling me and giving me support I finally pick up the phone. I call the number and a tiny voice answers and says hello? I said can I speak to "Brandy" her adoptive name. She says Brandy doesn't live here. My heart sinks and thousands of thoughts start running through my mind. I think road-block. I say can I talk to your mother, is your mother there? She says, yes. MOM she screams. Now I am thinking, what if this is her A-mother and she doesn't know Brandy is searching or visa versa. I don't want to hurt any one. This lady answers. I say this Lucy, I believe I am Brandy's birthmother. She says Wow, we wondered if you would ever call. She said your daughter dates my son. I am Kathy. She was so kind to fill me in on her and said, Lucy give me your number. I will go to her house and tell her that you are trying to get in touch with her. My heart is beating a 1,000 beats a minute. I agree, and I waited 20 minutes or so, and this tiny northern voice. Say's Hi Lucy. I began immediately to cry. She said don't cry. This is a good thing! I thought Wow, my little girl is trying to take care of me and my feelings. We talked, and talked, and that started the road to reunion and connection. After six weeks of talking she came to Louisiana and stayed with me for a whole month! We had a great time. Shopping, catching up on all we had missed out on as a mother/daughter. But, Brandy has two parents, 3 siblings. All that she loves dearly. She has had a wonderful life. She continues to have a wonderful life. When I said But Brandy. I mean I am not her mother. I am her Angel bringer of Life. The vehicle God chose to carry her for the Barrentines. Even though I had alot of pain. God knew that I was a strong Child of his. That he would see me through my darkest hours. When she told me Thank you for giving me LIFE, that was the greatest gift I had ever received for it set me free, and healed my heart! We are 3 years into our reunion. The honeymoon is over now, We talk about every three months. Brandy living her life, and I living my new life. After reuniting I decided to get involved in my local Crisis Pregnancy Center. I do peer counseling, and have also took courses through the American Association of Christian Counselors. I took a course Caring for People God's Way. Also I was certified through Adoption Awareness as a Adoption Specialist.

Brandy is now only 22, and she is trying to find her way in life. I love her independence, I love her honesty and I love being her LUCY! I thank God everyday for answering my prayers.

If you are searching I urge you to never give up. We owe it to ourselves to know, and they need to know there Angel bringers of Life. For closure and support and LOVE.

(c) Lucy Franklin reunited 7/5/2000 w/ Brandy Nicole

UPDATE: Brandy is now in her last year of College. She should graduate 2009. With a degree in Education! She is now 26. My has she matured, and I am OH so proud to be her Angel Bringer of Life! God is so good!